It’s not personal. You should know that.
You should also know that I promise my baby isn’t my life. But then again, yes she is. I still want my life and love my grownup time. But “mommy” time is still pretty new to me, and I love it, too. She’s the best thing I’ve ever done in life, after all!
If I haven’t reached out to you in the past seven months, it’s not because I don’t like you anymore. Or that I don’t want to talk to you. Chances are I’ve thought about you many times, likely even asked about you to someone, but I just haven’t called. Or texted you back. Or responded to your Facebook message. Not because I don’t want to. But because quite frankly, I’m always busy. And I’m so tired. No, I’m exhausted. And I totally get it now, moms! I never really did before … but trust me, I do now!
I want me time. I’m not talking go spend a day at the spa followed by happy hour with the girls (though that would be really nice). I’m talking I want to stay home for an entire Saturday with my family, not getting out of my PJs until 11 a.m. Catch up on laundry. Do the dishes. Organize my closet. I know, those things sound miserable, especially on a Saturday. But when that’s the only time I actually have, it’s what I want to do. I also want to be able to just go cruise around in the Jeep with my hubby and baby around town because we want to get out of the house and don’t have committed plans for a change.
We are constantly on the go and barely ever home on weekends. When we are out-of-town there is no down time – we’re racing to squeeze in as much as possible or racing to visit with person after person.
After work we pretty much have time to maybe watch a TV show or two (that I’ll likely fall asleep watching), squeeze in as much baby time as possible, then off to bed to do it again.
To shed some light, my typical week looks a little something like this:
7:15 a.m. Wake up. Baby’s hungry and wide awake. Feed the baby, change her diaper, get her dressed, find something that will entertain her while I shower and get ready for work. Make my lunch, grab coffee and pass off the baby to the nanny.
8:50 a.m. Leave for work. Work all day. Eat lunch at my desk (because I’m too broke to eat out). Sometimes I may run an errand on my lunch break because it’s literally the only free time I get. Shut my office door and pump every 3 hours. Think about how much I miss my baby girl and how I wish I could be the one picking her up from naps and helping her with tummy time. Make mental notes all day about everything that needs to be done at home.
5:00 p.m. Made it through the day. Time to leave work and go see my baby.
5:15 p.m. Home with the baby! Say goodbye to the nanny, take the dog for a walk, feed the baby, change her diaper.
6:00 p.m. Jimmy’s home! Pass off the baby to the daddy. Start a load of laundry, do the dishes, cook dinner, do the dishes again, switch out the laundry, try to talk to Jimmy about his day but his brain is numb and he needs some downtime to unwind. Baby’s bath time!
6: 45 p.m. Give the baby a bath. She’s rubbing her eyes. She’s getting fussy. Boo – we only got an hour of happy, awake time with her. Nurse the baby. Read her a book. Uh oh, we’re losing her.
7:15 p.m. Night night, Daisy. Put the baby to bed. Nope, just kidding. She’s not ready to say good night yet. Pick her back up. Cuddle in the rocking chair. Smile and try not to cry happy tears as she melts our hearts and rubs our faces.
7:30 p.m. Okay, now she’s ready for real. Put baby back down. Ahhhhh … grownup time.
7:45 p.m. Ugh, still more dishes to do. And clothes to fold. Fold the clothes. They can go on the guest bed … I’ll put them away tomorrow. Wash a million bottle and pump parts. Crap – the electric bill is due. Pay the bills. Take the dog out. Put on PJs.
8:45 p.m. Finally on the couch. Okay, let’s start our show.
9:30 p.m. “Want to finish this in bed? Me, too.” Go to the bed. Turn on the show.
9:45 p.m. Oops. I fell asleep, but didn’t realize it until …
11:00 p.m. Jimmy turns the TV off. Kiss goodnight. Get comfy and drift off.
11:15 p.m. Just kidding … Daisy’s crying. She’s hungry. Nurse the baby.
12:00 a.m. Finally. Sleep.
3:45 a.m. Hungry baby again. Is she really hungry? Or does she just want to comfort nurse? Whatever … I’m awake.
3:55 a.m. Zzzzzz.
6:15 a.m. Hugry AGAIN? Can’t you wait one more hour??? Give her the boob. Jimmy. Is. Still. Snoring. 😠
7:23 a.m. NOOOO! Couldn’t you give me until at least 7:30? At least she’s a happy morning person. Time to get ready for work. Is it Friday yet?
Do it all over again (and I still didn’t put the clothes away. Dammit.).
So please, please know that I do love you and your friendship is very important to me. I’m just in a different place right now trying to adjust to my new life, and enjoy every second of my rapidly growing baby girl. Call me. Text me. Stop by. You are always welcome. We would love to have you over for dinner or meet you for Sunday brunch. Just know that chances are pretty high that I’ll have my baby in tow. Because childcare is friggin’ expensive!! Do you know what the hourly rate is for babysitters these days?! I certainly didn’t make thay kind of money when I babysat. And on top of paying the nanny weekly? I literally can’t even.
Hubby and I haven’t even gone on a date since Daisy’s been born. In seven months. Don’t want to spend the money … don’t have the time … we literally want to do nothing … and want to spend time with baby when we are home with her.
I’m trying to still be social and do as much as possible, but it all adds up and gets draining eventually. And then I crash.
It’s hard. I promise I’ll resurface one day. But until then, I’m here. Come on by! Keep inviting me to do things. I promise I will come when I can! I still like knowing I haven’t been forgotten about, and knowing that the invitation is there in case I can swing it. Know that even though I’ve only seen you twice this year, it’s not personal, I can’t wait to catch up, and I love you. Know that I LOVE being a mom, so much more than I ever thought I could. And also know that I am very, very happy ❤️. Because there’s seriously NOTHING better than seeing that toothless little grin and hugging her back as she squeezes onto my shoulder!
::: UPDATE: I feel like I need to let y’all know that I am fine, because ohmygosh apparently people think I’m depressed after reading this post. Let me assure you that I am not sad, I don’t have PPD, this is not a cry for help, I don’t miss my pre-baby life, and I am seriously SO happy. I received several calls and texts checking on me after people saw this, but I also received many from new moms thanking me for saying out loud how they feel. I’m typically a very positive and peppy person and my posts tend to reflect that, but this one is just a little deep and shares some feels. I had it on my mind and I wanted to express it. Because people don’t talk about this kind of stuff! People think #momlife is all matching outfits and Starbucks runs, but there is so much more to it than that. I like to share my REAL, honest thoughts and opinions with you, so here you have it. My husband is amazing, I love my friends, our families have been super helpful, I’m incredibly grateful to be breastfeeding (even if it means sleepless nights), and my baby girl is the most incredible thing in the world. So I reiterate: I am 100% FINE. Thanks for caring and for taking the time to read 🙂 :::
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Girllllll this ALL of this! I had my first baby last October, and I can 100% relate to all of this. Not being able to return that phone call or text message right away even though those friends/family are on my mind, wishing I could be the one to pick up my baby after her nap instead of rushing into work every day, being able to eat out at lunch if I wasn’t so broke paying for said daycare, lugging my breast pump back and forth to work, and my baby isn’t my whole world but she is. I still need “me time”, couple time, and of course family time. It’s all about balance, and being a great mom means not losing your identity in the process <3
Are are spot on!!! Every time I get annoyed I just try to remind myself that this is only a short period in the grand scheme of things and that I’m going to miss it. Congrats to you on your (almost) one year old baby!
Some days I feel the same way with adjusting to being married/just regular life and I don’t even have a baby yet! There just isn’t enough time in a day!
You are so right about that!!! It will all get monotonous eventually, I’m sure. But there will NEVER be enough hours in the day. Hope you are enjoying married life!